A Pitch: Sandra Bullock is My Co-Pilot

No, this isn't for real, but you never know... it could be!

In the '90's, singer Joan Osborne asked the question, "What if God was one of us?" Well, to anyone who witnessed the February 1997 issue of US Weekly, that question had already been answered.

God was Sandra Bullock.

Need proof?

Fresh off the success of Speed (1994), The Net (1995), A Time to Kill (1996) and While You Were Sleeping (1997), Bullock showed us that hope floats (like the 1998 movie) in this image from the magazine.

I mean, if those eyes don't scream "I am the way and the truth and the life" in a comically insouciant way that only she could pull off, then what does?!

She spreads the gospel to regular street folk, just like one of us would do (if we were awesome and awe-inspiring).

She literally WALKS ON WATER on the magazine's cover. Or, emerges like Venus from the clamshell, if that's more your speed.

As a society, we had a taste of heaven at the end of the '90s during her original reign, but we mortals got cocky. We didn't know how much we needed her. We got busy with Y2K panic, the 9/11 attacks, George Fucking Bush, and the list goes on.

She tried to remind us! She did movies! But it took until 2009's Academy Award-winning turn in The Blind Side to remind us of the error of our ways.

We'd gone blind to Bullock's charms for almost a decade, and we as a society suffered.

Well, no more. In this new screenplay, [this character] has decided to do [this thing] in order to [achieve this]. The result? Nothing less than peace on earth, ushered in by simply summoning the beauty, the grace, the congeniality, and the sheer Sandra-ness of life itself.

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